Incapacitated
by Defect
Summary: T. He's sick of fighting. More complete than last update.
1. I

I don't own it.

---

Walking. Walking. Walking. Jogging. Running. Running. Sprinting. Falling.  
A single pair of hands grab me.  
Training ki- almost kicks in, hands defensive, body ready for a fight.  
Then I stop. Fuck it.  
Let them come.  
Let them all come.  
I don't care anymore.  
My body is being abused as I think of how pathetic it is.  
No defence. No need, want, for defence. Just hopeless.  
Worthless.

---

"Not a single defeinsive wound. He didn't just know this guy... either he was totally incapacitated by the first move the attacker made, or..."

---

Or what, stupid man? Huh? Or what?  
Just let me sleep. I'm not your problem.

--- 


	2. II

As requested.  
I still don't own it.

---

I'm in a hospital. Great. I can tell by the quiet blip, blip, blip of the moniter next to me that is already driving me crazy, and the slightly nausiating smell of the excessive use of bleech.  
Wait... there's another smell too.  
Familiar... flowers in spring... flowers... oh god, she's here.  
I didn't think this would happen.  
Why didn't I ever think this would happen?  
Because I'm not as good as him.  
He would have thought of it.  
And avoided it.  
But I'll never be as good as him.

---

"Ma'am. He's in pretty bad shape, but he'll recover. Honestly ma'am, it's not his outside wounds I'm worried about. It's whats going on in his head... I'd better call the department shrink..."

---

iWhy did you do this? Huh? Why couldn't you have come to see me?  
You were never alone in this, Tony.i 


	3. III

Third time, I don't own it.

---

Kate's come to see me.  
He's come to see me.  
Others have come to see me.  
It make no difference. I don't care.  
About any of it.  
Any of them.  
I tried to.  
Honest, I did.  
I relly tried, but couldn't.  
Don't get me wrong. I'd die for them.

---

"I'm sorry, Tony. I never meant for this to happen. Ever. And I know, I shouldn't say sorry, it's a sign of weakness. But I'm sorry. I didn't prepare you for this."

---

i Gibbs. Why are you here? Don't say your sorry. That just depresses me. That you're that desparate to make me alive when I'm not. Why, huh? There's no reason. Just leave me be. Like you always do.i/ 


	4. IV

Fourth time, I don't own it.

---

Therapy. They've got me in fucking therapy.  
For the nerve damage, apparently.  
What about the ME damage, doc?  
You know about that.  
I heard you talking to Agent Todd about it.  
And Agent Gibbs.  
God, I hate that name.  
Defines what is better than me.  
In one name.

---

"Tony. I know you care. You have too. It's what makes you you. It's who you are. Please. I know I never say things, but I need you. All of you. Kate, Gibbs, Ducky, McGee... all of you. Please, Tony, come back."

---

i Go away, Abby. I can't deal with it. Any of it. I don't need your sympathy, empathy, anything. I just can't cope anymore. You should understand, the Goth side of you understands. I just can't anymore. /i 


	5. V

Fifth time, I don't own it.

---

He's in therapy.  
For his leg, not his mind, God help him.  
I don't know what he's going through.  
He hasn't spoken since the attack.  
God, does he think he deserves this?  
I never knew he felt like this.  
The department shrink tried to describe this to me, but I don't understand.  
It's Tony, for crying out loud.  
Womanizer, lover of all, happy-go-lucky Tony.  
What the hell happened?

---

"DiNozzo. I don't know what's going on in that brain of yours, but your leg's fully healed, and you know you're being discharged today. I know it isn't as easy as me saying it, but will you snap out of it already?"

---

i Alright Gibbs. You've done it. I'll snap out of it. I will. Not quite yet, I need to wake up first, cause I know from this drifting feeling that I'm not totally awake, so just wait for me Gibbs. I'll be there./i 


	6. VI

Sixth time, I don't own it.

---

Today.  
It's the day,  
I'm going to start talking again.  
I don't know why I stopped.  
But when I did I fell into a habit.  
As usuall.  
Two year warranty, remember?  
I'm gonna break down, quick, replace me.  
Gibbs didn't do that though.  
That's where he's different.

---

"Hey Gibbs. What's up"  
"Not much, DiNozzo. Just waitin' for you to get outta bed and get back to work."

---

i I don't know how Jethro did it, but Anthony is up and about again. Thank all the Gods. I was getting worried about him. He'd a good leader, and quite frankly, they'll need one when Jethro leaves./i 


	7. VII

Seventh time, I don't own it.

---

I'm awake.  
The sun is bright.  
It's a beautiful day.  
I should be glad.  
Why do I hate the world?  
Grrrr, those thoughts are counter-productive, and a waste of effort.  
Banish those thoughts to where you can't reach them.  
You shoud be glad you're alive.  
Forget the feelings before the attack, focus on now,  
Be alive.

---

"How you doing today, Agent DiNozzo"  
"Good, Doc. I just might be ready to dicuss how I feel."

---

i DiNozzo is a competant agent, even more than that, on the road to promotion, and coming along quite nicely. I've made it my goal to work out what went wrong with him. And soon. I feel despite progress I'm losing him./i 


End file.
